Business Communications: Editing Samples

Not all editors are created equal. While all of them review manuscripts and improve them, different editors are trained to look at different kinds of problems. The major categories of editors fall within four groups:

Substantive/developmental editors
Content editors
Copyeditors
Proofreaders

Below, we explain what these editors do. We explore what each kind of editor looks for in a manuscript and provide sample edits of each.

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Substantive and Developmental Editing

Substantive editors and developmental editors are called in when a manuscript needs lots of work, to do substantial changes (substantive editing), or to help develop it (developmental editing).

Example:
In the following example, this substantive edit was almost a total rewrite. The original is too stiff and formal. It never really gets to the point. It makes the organization seem unapproachable. It doesn't focus on the client, talks unnecessarily about employee professionalism, and uses confusing jargon. It really misses the mark of what the business really wanted -- to get its message across to its customers. What did it really want to sell? Sizzle mixed with well-placed information. We had to rewrite it to speak to the customers: homeowners looking for guidance in high-tech remodeling.

BEFORE: We have earned an exemplary reputation for professionalism, positive attitudes and our ability to do work because of our outstanding personnel. We pride ourselves in having assembled one of the most knowledgeable, experienced, and friendly staffs, who possess the highest integrity that can be found anywhere in our field of expertise. These qualities are honed into those of a precision team through constant participation in trade shows focusing on productization of real-time infrastructures and continuing education programs to enable wireless whole-house environments to single-use devices and appliances.

AFTER: Your remodel should reflect the genius that you are. Come in and talk to us. Our consultants can make your high-tech house a reality.
Our team can work with you to do everything--from installing Internet-enabled refrigerators to connecting your whole-house wireless infrastructure. Our knowledge specialists are incredible. They know everything about kitchen, bath, and whole-house design. And the important thing is, they are here for you.

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Content Editing

Content editing focuses on the meaning of the manuscript. Content editors will examine whether your message is consistent, if a passage needs examples, bullet points, or subheads to clarify it, and whether the writing hits the mark. If it’s too long or boring, they’ll suggest ways to enliven it. They’ll consider whether it gets the message across to the reader, and who the reader is--a customer, stockholder, or employee.

Example:
In the following example, the message was there, but it was jumbled and way too difficult to get through. It was mostly an organizational problem. We changed all of the points into bullets. We also edited down long sentences, improved the grammar, and made it easier to read.

BEFORE: It’s not easy to decide how to choose an alarm company because there are just too many things you have to consider. The first thing you should do is to ask your friends if they’ve had good and reliable service from a company. Call some alarm companies up and find out how quickly the alarm company will install your system after purchase. Compare them and see whether or not the company sells systems faster than they can install them. Determine how quickly they respond to requests for service after installation. Another thing you can do is to ask for references from some of their customers who have required service and call and talk to these people. Remember to obtain some quotes also, from at least three different companies and ask about warranties.

AFTER: How to Choose the Right Alarm Company
Here are some tips to choosing the right alarm company:

Check with friends and neighbors for their experiences and recommendations.
Get quotes from at least three different companies. Compare:
Prices and features.
Warranties.
How fast a system can be installed.

Call customer references. Ask how quickly their company has responded to requests for service after installation.

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Copyediting

Copyeditors concentrate on sentence structures and words. They are often referred to as line editors, because they look closely at a document on a line-by-line basis rather than at the whole content.

Example:
The paragraph below says what the business wants it to, but it’s wordy and a little confusing. With a few choice word and sentence changes, it can be improved 100%.

BEFORE: N-Pellet is the largest manufacturer of salt pellets in the U.S. Its base of distributors covers North American, European and Asian pellet companies. The Company operates as a mine, as a concentrator; and a as pelletizing plant in Yakima, Washington and in Vancouver and Eugene, as well as port facilities in Seattle. It also operates a 400 mile railroad, which it links to the port. N-Pellet has approximately 1100 employees and its major shareholder and operator is the international salt mining investment organization, which has activities in 20 countries throughout the world.

AFTER: N-Pellet is the largest manufacturer of salt pellets in the U.S. Its distribution base includes North American, European and Asian pellet suppliers. The company operates mines, concentrators, and pelletizing plants in Yakima, Washington and Eugene, Oregon in the US; and in Vancouver, British Columbia in Canada. It also operates port facilities in Seattle, Washington, and has a 400-mile railroad that links the Yakima operation to the port. N-Pellet has approximately 1100 employees. Its major shareholder and operator is the International Salt Mining Investment Organization located in Yakima, which has activities in 20 countries worldwide.

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Proofreading

Proofreading is like looking at a sentence with a magnifying glass. Proofreading catches the minute problems in a sentence. A proofreader concentrates on catching spelling, punctuation, formatting problems, and other things most of us miss when we scan over our material.

Example:
The following example needs no changes to its content. But there are a lot of little problems that a great proofreader will find and fix.

BEFORE: To get th best deal, be willing to stop talking and Listen. When doing Real Estate flippping, as in in any businesses, its important to to sell yourself, You can’t do that unless your listening to the other person’’s needs. What is important to the other person? If you know, you can you can address it.

AFTER: To get the best deal, be willing to stop talking and listen. When doing real estate flipping, as in any business, it’s important to sell yourself. You can’t do that unless you listen to the other person’s needs. What is important to the other person? If you know, you can address it.

Need help improving
your project?
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E-mail us at info@bluefishbay.com
or call us toll-free at 866-999-BLUE

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SAMPLESEditing for Business

What different kinds of editors really do

Substantive and Developmental Editing

Content Editing

Copyediting

Proofreading

SAMPLES
Editing for Business